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There is no sex in the champagne room.

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Before you click the read more thingy be aware that this post contains adult content and is not suitable for minors.  There is no nudity but there are a lot of other adult items like rubber dicks and scantily clad womenfolk.

Now, on with the show!  The porn show that is.

Recently I went up to Las Vegas to shoot the 35th anniversary party for the Checkers Off Road Club.  This is a fine group of off road racers, pitters and hooligans and I was happy to work with them.

Before I was going to shoot their event I had a fair amount of downtime with nothing to do.  Shortly before leaving for Vegas I learned that the AVN (Adult Video News) show and convention , AKA the Porn Show, would be going on at the Sands Expo the same time I was in town.  I had not been to the show in a number of years so I figured I would drop by to check things out and I brought along my sidekick and fellow shooter Valerie.  My job in photography takes me to many places and I see a lot of strange things so this is really just another day in my life, but a fun one.

First let me say that people seem to have a lot of misconceptions about what goes on at the AVN show.  Contrary to popular belief the show is not filled with porn stars banging in the aisles.  There is actually a fairly strict no nudity rules at the show.  They do wear next to nothing but they always wear something, even if its body paint.  This show is about doing business and making sales just like any other trade show.  The only difference is the product.  Just like the SEMA show,  there are  booth babes, companies have samples and demos to draw you in to the booth and non industry people still get in to the show; butt instead of selling tires, they sell rubber dicks.

Once at the Sands we stopped at the media area to pick up credentials and we were off.  Right off the bat was a booth with stripper poles in each corner of the booth.

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Nikon D700, ISO1000, 24-70mm, f5, 1/250, SB900.

Same girl from the front.

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Nikon D700, ISO1600, 24-70mm, f5, 1/250, SB900.

But just down the aisle was one of the craziest contraptions I have ever seen.  It was like a mechanical bull, even built on the same frame and with the same controls but instead of a bull it was a 7 foot long wiener.

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Nikon D700, ISO1000, 24-70mm, f2.8, 1/250, SB900.

Now with Val being slightly nutty (why else would she hang with me) she ran right for it and had to take a ride.

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Nikon D700, 2470mm, ISO1600, 24-70mm, f3.5, 1/250, SB900.

But she could not stop giggling while on it.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm,  ISO1000, 24-70mm, f2.8, 1/250, SB900.

Then I found the nurses.  My job is rough some days.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f6.3, 1/250th, SB900.  Photo by Valerie Douglas.

If you look close you can see a mini boob in one of the girls hands.  Basically it was like a stressball but it’s a boob.  The booth was for a plastic surgeon.  Smart man.

As we got deeper into the show the weirder shit started to pop up.  Here a video guy films a close up of a girl’s crack.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f3.5, 1/250th, SB900

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f3.5, 1/250th, SB900

Sapphire, a local Vegas tittybar, also had a booth.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f2.8, 1/250th, SB900

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f4, 1/250th, SB900

And then a random guy selling bed sheets.  Not bed sheets with handcuffs or candle wax or a fleshlight, just regular bed sheets.  He really seemed out of place.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f4, 1/250th, SB900

These skate decks with porn girls on them were actually pretty cool.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f7.1, 1/250th, SB900

These girls were selling liquid latex, they must have been artists.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm,  ISO1600, f5.6, 1/250th, SB900

This booth was close to Robin’s heart before she dumped Eritrea for Guatemala.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5, 1/250th, SB900

What show would be complete without Obama condoms?

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm,ISO1600, f4.5, 1/250th, SB900

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f13, 1/250th, SB900

Excuse me Miss, I think you dropped something

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5.6, 1/250th, SB900

Oh dear god!

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Nikon D300, 17-55mm ISO1600, f8, 1/30th, SB800

“Actress” Sasha Gray talks with stalkers, I mean fans.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f6.3, 1/250th, SB900

This booth had a pole and a plethora of strippers  earning money for college.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f8, 1/250th, SB900

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f8, 1/250th, SB900

“You are not supposed to put dollars in there asshole!”

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f6.3, 1/250th, SB900

Midwestern housewife and stripper

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f6.3, 1/250th, SB900

These two made a nice couple.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5, 1/250th, SB900

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5, 1/250th, SB900

The famous shaggin wagon that used to cruise the Vegas strip before being banned.

Read about it here

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5, 1/250th, SB900

Clothes for your dong

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Nikon D300, 17-55mm, ISO1600, f8, 1/30th, SB800.

This place is located next to Paris in Ensenada.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5.6, 1/250th, SB900

Japan always has some oddball stuff.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5.6, 1/250th, SB900

Seriously, you are going to work a porn convention with thousands of people with cameras and then not want people to take photos?

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f6.3, 1/250th, SB900

But then I won her over with my warm smile and charming personality.

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Nikon D300, 17-55mm, ISO1600, f8, 1/30th, SB800.  Photo by Valerie Douglas.

Yes, that tank is full of scorpions.  Just more proof that Internet rule #34 is true.  For those that don’t know rule 34.  If it exists, there is porn of it.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f4.5, 1/250th, SB900

These were kind of scary. Its basically an electric motor that you stick a dong or a Fleshlight on and it spins it at high RPM.  Ow!

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f10, 1/250th, SB900

Creepy fans line up to ogle a girl

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5.6, 1/250th, SB900

The hookers from the Mustang Ranch showed up as well.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5, 1/250th, SB900

Something free was given away and the crowd went apeshit!

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f4.5, 1/250th, SB900

“Actress” Jenna Haze is confused.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5, 1/250th, SB900

Then happy.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5, 1/250th, SB900

How nice, a Christmas Tree in January.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f6.3, 1/250th, SB900

And on closer inspection

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Fancy high end buttplugs

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f4.5, 1/250th, SB900

This always makes me laugh.  It does work on guns too.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5, 1/250th, SB900

Sex toys or car parts?  I’m confused.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO2500, f2.8, 1/250th.

Energy drinks for sexual prowess.  A new sponsor for off road racers?

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f8, 1/250th, SB900

Artistic

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5, 1/250th, SB900

The reactions from people at the Fleshlight booth were entertaining.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f6.3, 1/250th, SB900

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f8, 1/250th, SB900

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f8, 1/250th, SB900

A scary Fleshlight.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f2.8, 1/250th.

More strippers

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f6.3, 1/250th, SB900

Here I am banging Tera Patrick.  Check out my War Face!  It was a video screen hooked up to a cheap webcam.  It was an interesting gag but would have been 100x cooler with a good webcam so it looked somewhat real.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5, 1/250th.

One of the oil wrestling girls from Slick Chix.  Sadly I had to leave the show before the girls wrassled in the oil.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f7.1, 1/250th, SB900

The Hedgehog Ron MF-ing Jeremy.  He moves fast for an old fat guy, someone must have called and offered to buy him lunch.  He bailed quick and this is the best shot I could get of him.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f4.5, 1/250th, SB900

Me and the legend Dennis Hoff, owner of the Moonlight Bunnyranch.  You may have seen his TV show  ”Cathouse” on HBO.  He is one of the few people that I think has a cooler job than me.

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Nikon D300, 17-55mm, ISO1600, f6.3, 1/30th, SB800.

Val and Randy West.  He signed an 8×10 of his wang for her.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f7.1, 1/250th, SB900

After doing a full circle of the show I found this guy hugging and riding the mechanical dick.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5, 1/250th, SB900

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f5, 1/250th, SB900

And then he got thrown.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f3.2, 1/250th, SB900

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Then Val found some dude in a skirt.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f7.1, 1/250th, SB900

Jessica Lynn as I Dream of Genie.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f6.3, 1/250th, SB900

The fans went nuts.  This girl literally caused a massive traffic jam in the show.  Its like they have never seen a real live girl lift her dress before.

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Nikon D700, 24-70mm, ISO1600, f4, 1/250th, SB900

That concludes our trip through the world of porn.  Hope you got a laugh from it as I had a great time at the show.

Next, back to racing!

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